Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
