She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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