I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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