what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
