I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
