i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
