Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
