My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
