I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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