Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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