so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize