I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
