Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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