Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
