hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
