why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
