Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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