; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
