It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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