Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
