Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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