I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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