I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
