i permit you to call me
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
