I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
