I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
