I am in a vortex of obligation.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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