In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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