im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
