you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
