New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
