from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize