Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
