I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
