I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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