Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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