We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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