Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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