so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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