WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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