My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
