"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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