Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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