New low: just hacked my moms facebook
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
