i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
