I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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