well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
