my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
