is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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