Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
