I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
