when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
