i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
