her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
