I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
