I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
