Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
