So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
