Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
