Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
