her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I need to align my fucking chakras
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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