weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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