I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize