We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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