Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
