They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
