u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
