Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
