I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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