I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
