o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Terrible idea I love it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
