I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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