She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
