you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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