The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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