I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't turn off my feet"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
