I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
