This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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