UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize