I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
