frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
