my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
