My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
