69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize