Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
