So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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