Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
