D3 body, D1 cock
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
