Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
