are you still at the devil's house?
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just pynch a tree in the face
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
