That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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