Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He passed out mid-signature
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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