last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
