You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
