I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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