Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're using joints as your birthday candles
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
