just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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