____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
