My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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