If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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