i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
