evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
