On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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