In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
