I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
