I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
