So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
