Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
